Unless you have been living under a rock lately – or in a media
vacuum, you would be aware of the latest move in the war on groceries.
An unprecedented mail-out of loyalty cards started a couple
of weeks ago, to purportedly every household throughout Australia. I don’t
believe in giving this mob any free publicity so I will refrain from mentioning
any names, but I am sure you know to whom I refer.
Alongside this marketing mayhem is the opportunity to choose
your own 5 products, in order to attract an additional discount, creatively
referred to as My5. No doubt shareholders paid some overpriced marketing genius
to come up with that catchy name.
OK…I admit it, I fell victim to the marketing and have signed
up for the loyalty scheme.
Choosing My5 was a little more challenging though…there were just too many
to choose from.
So here goes…here are my top 5...
Number 1: Trolleys that generally head in the vaguest of directions in
which the handler wrestles it.
Number 2: Fruit and veg bags that easily open without the need for a
forensic examination.
Number 3: Checkout staff that can readily discriminate between cold and
non-cold product and equally as readily identify a cold bag from a non-cold bag.
Number 4: Close parent supervision of any short people using those
ankle-destroying learner trolleys.
Number 5: No standing signs throughout the aisles preventing long-lost
family and friend reunions.
Look, in fact I think I could go on here…I mean, why stop at 5...
Number 6: Staff training in basic vegetable identification – Tip: if
it is not pre-packaged with barcode and appears to be leafy, green or bulbous it is more
than likely an item your mother spent your formative years trying to get you to
eat.
Number 7: Staff training in job satisfaction, effusion and variants in
greetings. “Hi, how are you?” could in fact be modified so that you sound a
little less programmed.
Number 8: Staff training in product fragility determination – such as
eggs or bread which I can guarantee will be worse off under the 1kg sugar and
tins of tomatoes that you have just thrown in.
Number 9: Staff training in poisons identification and potential
cross-contamination. Here’s an idea – don’t pack the cockroach baits with the
baby food.
And lastly...
Number 10: Trolley airbags – my car lays testament to all that is the
run away trolley. Airbags are to be deployed immediately upon any detection of a hand release yet motion remains in play.
Ahh, grocery shopping! You gotta love it or hate it. It
probably wouldn’t be so bad if you didn’t endure a financial haemorrhage at the
end of each outing, just for the sake of keeping your family in nutritional
value for the week…
Eating...it is so over-rated!
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| Names have been changed to protect the innocent |
