Thursday, March 22, 2012

Vaccination against Mother Guilt

I had this funny feeling come over me the other day. Something I could only describe as foreign and just a little bit uncomfortable.

It took me a while to recognise it for what it was…Mother Guilt.

I have heard about this phenomenon. I have even read about the condition, but I don’t know that I have ever really fallen victim to it.

I am here to tell you…it wasn’t all that pleasant.  But it made me stop and think, why do so many fall prey to this emotional rollercoaster?

But most of all, how did I vaccinate myself against it?

So, here’s my five-point plan on how to vaccinate yourself against the insidious ‘Mother Guilt’ disease. 
  1. Sign up for Catholicism – all guilt will be instantly re-branded.
  2. Go into Witness Protection – if your kids can’t find you, you stand a much better chance.
  3. Sign up for some reality TV show such as Wife Swap, Brat Camp, The Supernanny, The Kardashians – or some other equally IQ-retarding form of entertainment. You are guaranteed to feel better about yourself after that episode.
  4. Become a Ninja – similar outcomes to Witness Protection, just less paperwork and you get to wear a really cool outfit of which even your kids would be proud.
  5. Put your kids up for Time Share. A popular scheme in the 80’s –  must be due for revival with all things vintage.

And if all else fails, take a deep breath, step back and see the funny side of things.  Despite a good laugh being infectious, it is the best form of protection against Mother Guilt.  Take it liberally and keep within reach of children.

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